UltraMagic

Short, Sharp, Cynical.

2010-04-07T21:31:00.000+01:00

Infinity Ward, please sort your servers out. This isn't much use.

Reckon I'm sort of out on my own saying this, and its mainly because those thinking it locally aren't wanting to ruffle feathers, but a company that blames everyone but themselves is going to have problems. The games industry is a tough place, but its exactly that...an industry. You need a backup plan for your contingency of your backup plan.

Also, as far as elections go...I'm waiting to see what happens regarding "Digital Britain", but trust Lemmy: "A two party system is only one party better than a one party system."

Finally, cynicism has become cool. What a turn of events! I'm now cynical about what degree I should endeavour to be dismissive or judgemental publically...It's too trendy to have an opinion!

Ummm...

2010-02-11T15:27:00.002Z

Ok...so is it just me or does that hit counter legitimately read 34,000 ish?

I'd better get writing this stuff again. That's GOOD.

Alien Chestburster Fancy Dress

2009-10-19T18:34:00.005+01:00

Desired Outcome:

About 10 minutes of papier mache wizardry:

Some paint

Some cling-film and nakedness.

TADA!

Return to Action- Games Managment

2009-04-14T23:45:00.002+01:00

Apologies to all (the few) that previously followed this blog, for my epic lapse of both effort and concentration- I really should’ve been posting more over the past few months. Proper apologies will come later, but for now I shall crack on with this evening's proceedings. (If you read in the day time, use your imagination to think of me typing away at 12ish on a Tuesday evening).

The following article will also be published on my Games blog (more academic and for industry types to look at) but I think it's scathing enough to appear on this blog too.

Essentially this article is grounded on a wholesale personal distaste for one David Braben- ‘living industry legend’ and pompous fart. Scandalous you say? Well my initial gut response to Braben was based purely on how he acted in person at the 2008 Edinburgh Interactive Festival. Braben was part of a panel of the 4Talent showcase, which were brought together to discuss ‘Publishing’. The day had been broken up into various sections to appeal to all, but with specific areas of interest for artists, coders, management etc.

I touched upon this on my review of the event closer to the time, but the panel was in dire need of a chairperson to restrict the ego-fest that ensued. Two members of the panel for the most part kept schtum until questioned, whilst Braben and Gordon Ross, a previous employer of mine went at it. I like Gordie Ross a lot, but don’t let my affiliation fool you; I wasn’t just gunning for his side of arguments. In fact, at times Gordon Ross sounded pretty tongue tied, but I’d like to imagine this was on account of Braben pulling every subject towards himself for the sake of putting his full stop on it. It was cringey to watch, as wide questions were pulled to and fro from one person’s personal experience or example to another. By about forty minutes in, the panel had managed to swerve the subject of PUBLISHING completely, and somehow were still finding things to yap about between themselves, rather than to the increasingly agitated audience.

At this point, because I was there specifically to hear about the subject, I asked a publishing related question. I started it with “It’d be good if you could all talk a bit more about publishing”. I was particularly satisfied with myself, and I relaxed back in my chair to hear the brilliant answer. Within a few minutes, the whole subject had changed again, and our dear Mr. Industry Legend Braben was correcting the rest of the panel again on anally specific details of nothing much at all.

Which brings us up to date on the Braben front- I didn’t like him much in the first place. However, I think what I have to say now is far more encompassing than just getting back at him personally. Education is vital to the games industry right now; not only because the industry is expanding its production techniques, processes and theories to match film studio professionalism or because the industry can truly prove itself through the tough economic conditions, but instead because there needs to be a sea change in thinking about how games are produced and how studios are managed.

"One of the things that is very worrying is there are over 80 games courses in Britain and the sad thing is they aren't really teaching what we need for games at the moment, which is a frightening thing," David Braben. Reported on gamesindustry.biz

"There are something like 81 courses in the UK dedicated to computer games," he added, "but universities get paid for putting bums on seats and they're turning out students who know all about the history of games, but they can't make them."- Ian Livingstone. Reported on gamesindustry.biz

It is sweeping statements like this from the industry’s oldies that are causing concern for me. They punctuate an already growing anxiety I have for how the industry is going to change very soon. I highlighted recently in an essay for my own university course in Abertay, how the elders in the games industry are not forward thinking enough about the next generation of management and development. On the contrary to what Braben has said about education materials being up to five or ten years behind what’s needed within the industry, recognition of Agile development methods in institutions like Abertay has been met with surprise and awe from some studios. Whilst game companies are obviously aware of such theories, all too often I think the management in a studio is for the longest serving member of the team. The old-school method of shunting a brilliant programmer into a management role isn’t working to align the professionalism of a game studio with that of a film studio, or any other corporate company. Brilliant programmers should be allowed to thrive upon newer more exciting programming challenges, not moved into a role which they are not theoretically trained for.

There are two separate issues here. One is that I think a lot of comments like these are made without full knowledge of what is really being taught in the ’80 plus’ institutions across Britain. The second is that there needs to be a willingness from the elder statesmen of the industry to accept that there are academically proven, and talented young individuals raring to step up to the plate. This willingness needs to also stretch to the acceptance of some of the new input that could really project our industry- business and management skills within a studio or publisher. The days of ‘crunch’ should be numbered. Instead, in 2009, it’s still an accepted fact of the production process.

To further illustrate the point that at least one UK University is doing the right stuff (I’m not biased, I simply know more about Abertay!), the amount of team project work I’ve done in the past year is astounding. The courses across the School of Computing are all shaped to accommodate large team projects, where students get a real-life, hands on experience of what making games and software is actually like. Coupled with projects like Dare to be Digital, what more education does a scholar need? Well, industry experience. That’s the problem.

How can the ‘new school’ knowledge infiltrate the industry? Simple- game companies need to recognise the worth of the courses. The film industry is different to the games industry for a number of reasons; (Don’t mistake my use the film industry as an example for me thinking these sectors of ‘entertainment’ are the same- it is simply that the film industry is a number of years ahead of gaming in terms of creating a structure for itself) but one of the most important reasons is that it has recognised film studies courses to draw on for talent. The sooner games companies get acquainted with what universities are teaching, the better.

I spoke to Colin MacDonald, Studio Manager of Realtime Worlds, Dundee, about the possibility of a placement with them in a production type role. I also asked for his take on my CV as it was, and it was telling that he asked me to include more information about what my course- Game Production Management- actually entailed. Furthermore, I quizzed him about ‘runner’ roles or ‘shadowing’ roles for a non-graduate like myself to gain experience in production. I’m somewhat paraphrasing here, but he essentially said that there really isn’t such a role in the games industry- it’s a bit of a gap. And that’s where some of our biggest troubles lie. Oversights like this might mean the difference between a great producer getting the placement he needs to kick off his career, or not.

I think you’ll see that the Braben- hate was probably more light-hearted than I suggested at the start. I am, however, passionately against the element of the industry that I think Braben stands for.

One particular article thats worth a read if you're interested enough is found here

Elections, Shitty TV and Quantum of Crap

2008-11-05T01:19:00.007Z

I'm currently watching the live BBC footage of the US Election voting and keeping a keen eye on the numbers. Looking rather good for Obama. Which is nice. The feed of that is here.

What's funny is that the guy doing the visuals and graphs of the statistics (not the guy with the white hair who's done it for years unfortunately) has this RIDICULOUS Minority Report or as I'm about to explain Quantum of Solace style visualisation playing behind him. It's certainly not how it looks, it is quite clear and concise- instead its the fact that its supposed to be actually functional. He keeps reiterating that he's going to use 'the touch screen' when he's clearly using a green screen behind him.

That aside I'll start my deconstruction of 007: Quantum of Solace. Okay, so it's not as bad as requiring a deconstruction. But there are a number of serious problems with it:

- It fails to follow on from Casino Royale the way it promised it would.
- It doesn't completely stand alone as a Bond movie- his vengeance isn't explained nearly explicitly enough.
-The story is very incoherently told. This is fine if done on purpose. But around half way through the film you give up because you don't see anything coming together.
- There is NO story!
- The action loses its vitality because you don't buy into the story.
- There aren't any gadgets.
- There's no proper spying.
- The bad guy sucks, and there is no evil plan.
- The experience is marred by the sponsorship. Not because of how it appears in film, but because the ads before the movie plays suck so much donkey dick.
- There isn't a suitable finale.

One final point that's rather more humourous is that the camera Bond uses is a simple Sony 5Mega Pixel camera phone, as advertised, yet he has ridiculous image-enhancing capabilities when using it! The technology is very badly veiled- anyone with a vague handle on what is currently possible would know this. The other thing that's really funny is the aforementioned touch-screen stuff, its very like Minority Report and is likely possible, especially in MI6's capable and money-filled hands, especially considering Window's' proposed 'Touch' stuff. But the stuff they do with it is so ridiculously over-the-top and unnecessary! Nobody wants to see the amount of information that Bond, M and a few others browse through nar the middle of the film, it isn't digestable and it isn't coherent.

One really FINAL point is about digestable content. The Michael Bay style slap bang action kind of sucks. And a couple of us found that if we the viewer can't follow the action on screen, the complex situation Bond finds himself in is made all the more improbable, because his reaction-times must be absoloutely other-worldly.

On the plus side...ehhhhmmm. Its not THAT bad. The intro credits are done very nicely, and I liked the low-fi sound of the intro music. Mark Kermode blasted it for not being memorable. That much is true, but I still liked it.

I've also just opened the BBC's British Style Genius. The stuff in this show is brilliant! Who made it!? Its absoloutely dumbfounding. It seems like somewhat of a misuse or pun, but the cosmetic quality of the analysis in this show is actually flabbergasting. The faux- historical reference points in the show just make it absoloutely laughable. I put it off when a girl in a shoe shop explained that the trainers sold for £200-400 and suggested that the shitty diamonte crap all over otherwise functional Nike 'kicks' made them 'classy'. I understand some people go for that sort of thing, but the fact they value the clothing as much to spend their wages on stuff that is so obviously badly made and thrown together in factories and live their lives so cosmetically is saddening. Don't get me wrong, I see the cultural importance of fashion. Just don't make low-brow programming about it.

Wow, that's all I'll complain about right now!

Kiss Kiss!

Mediocrity: A Study After a Thoughtful Bus Journey

2008-10-20T23:26:00.005+01:00

I'd imagine there must be a concerted bunch who, like me, consider Oasis's latest outing- Whatever It's Called to be earth- shatteringly mediocre. I hope as you read this you know that the actual critiquing and critical content isn't going to go any further than "yeah that single was shite".

All I really wanted to highlight was that a band praised as some kind of big deal, have totally flopped again, yet a huge yobbish fanbase of people (sorry to over-generalise, but do know any oasis fan? Do they generally also like The Verve and The Stone Roses and know a sampling of crap the Beatles did?) eat it up eagerly.

On another note. Why should the American election only cough up one viable option for the future of the western world? Okay, I'm a bit late jumping on this issue given it's like 10 days away, but in seriousness, shouldn't all the candidates exhibit the charisma and in some senses the 'hope' that Barack Obama does? That 44. whatever % of American's would consider John McCain as a viable president and not just some douchey stand up comedian kind of hurts my head.

Don't get me wrong, I'm entirely aware that the American election is run entirely on the basis that the candidates are 'buying' their way to the heart of their nation, but surely there should be some better candidates appearing now and then?

As far as British people go, I think this is the first time in a long time that we've been so eagerly involved in the American Elections. Not just because we desperately don't want McCain, who'd seem more suited in the old-boys Hollywood outing Space Cowboys alongside Tommy Lee Jones and Clint Eastwood, to win, but because possibly, just possibly Barack Obama might do some stuff which actually helps people. Which actually makes things just a little bit better. Given the shitty state of affairs in terms of economic downturn and possible(? probable) recession, I think we need somebody like him to do the right stuff.

The case for the widespread increase in mediocrity will no doubt be continued on this page sometime soon.

Don't Pay For Crap Things

2008-09-24T16:05:00.008+01:00

After reading an article in The Guardian today about the OCC's new chart- encompassing both digital and physical downloads, I got talking to a friend about the effects of digital distribution and obviously the inability of the industry or the courts to keep up with the rather grey area of digital distribution. This considered, clearly live music is where a lot of the money is to be made for bands these days, and the push towards bands to have a great live show now is evident.

However, on a smaller scale- certainly on the Dundee scene but most likely more widespread- DJ's have been upping the door price to their events exponentially. As a conscientious human being, who at least tries to contribute to society in some way and have some sense of self pride, I URGE you not to go waste £14 to go and see 'EROL ALKAN' or 'PENDULUM' 'play' in a club. I cannot claim to have lived through the golden age of live music, but when I was young, you paid around £15 to see a band you really liked and a couple of support bands (regularly something else worth paying for). That's value for money. And more and more I see young people (not just young people, but strapped for cash students squandering their student loans) coughing up for club nights that are essentially places where drink can be purchased for over the odds prices (okay thats a given, its been like that for a long time) and you can stand and listen to somebody 'mix' a range of music that probably doesn't sound much different to the music the club usually plays.

Now don't get me wrong. Some DJ's clearly have mixing skills, but the limited skillset required to select some 'cool' or 'scene' tracks to illegally download to your iMac and then fart about on through a clubs P.A really doesn't justify the £15 price tag.

The only bad thing about this is that seeing popular bands on stage now is gradually creeping up in price too. That's just something that can't be stopped unless people forfeit live music, which isn't likely to happen because its brilliant.

Keira Knightley, Metallica and Motorhead

2008-08-28T14:20:00.002+01:00

Can somebody with a lot of money please bribe Keira Knightley's agent or manager in some manner which will make sure she gets no more work? That'd be awesome. I'm tired of her talentless face being everywhere. Just get your paps out now and then...

And another thing, Metallica's forthcoming album Death Magnetic is out sometime in September. Chances are its all a load of balls, but evidence on the contrary is supplied here and here. So far I've been pretty impressed. The riffs are very similar to Justice or Puppets with bits of speed injected straight from Kill 'Em All but still with the more adult (and in my view, not so cool) hetfield chorus-voice as heard on Load and Reload. Thankfully little from the St.Anger sessions remains, besides the poor quality drumming and mediocre lyrics. The drums at least sound better tone-wise. Also, in defense of the lyrics, they're definately more 'metal'.

They slightly over-use the whole double-stop and syncopation thing, even within just the first two songs I've heard. Possibly trying too hard to be 'prog metal' or use time-changes to be 'complex'. But that said, I think a lot of people will be impressed. I've been pleasantly suprised so far, since my expectations were dirt-low, thanks to the live versions of 'new songs' that were DIRE to say the least.

Finally, Motorhead's Motorizer is released very soon. September 1st in Europe I think. No doubt its awesome. Enough said.

A Few Other Things...

2008-08-25T20:20:00.002+01:00

4Music was launched the other week
The problem is, it's already checked all the wrong boxes as far as music coverage goes. Like almost all other music coverage on tv, it's shows have no critical elements and basically act as a faddy NME or Q magazine style conduet through which already successful, or soon-to-hit-the-big-time-thanks-to-saturated promotion bands can make more money. With pretty presenters like Alexa Chung giving such insight as "yeah they were great", its a long way off of what music television should really be about.

Andrew Collins of Word magazine pointed out that the coverage of this years festivals was directly in competition with live sporting event coverage. He noted the comparison of football's (somewhat) talented pundits and their serious critiquing of matches. The performances of contemporary bands should be judged in this way too. The only thing that comes close is the culture show, but so little can be condensed into their all encompassing arts show, that musos are unlikely to be fulfilled.

Edinburgh Interactive Festival
I really should've mentioned this earlier- regardless, Edinburgh's Interactive Festival on 10-12th August was a suitably entertaining daytrip for myself and some others from Abertay's 3rd year of Games Design and Production Management Course. We signed up for the 4 Talent Arcade course and that took up the biggest portion of our day. But, throughout the day we managed to peruse the various sights and stalls.

It was apparent that Nintendo had made the biggest effort for this fairly niche date on the gaming calendar, Sony put on one pretty cool booth showcasing LittleBIGPlanet but overall seemed fairly absent. Microsoft bothered to send over a GRID promotional booth (which didn't even support multiplayer), but overall seemed to give off the message 'we don't have to be there'. Nintendo's showcase included WiiFit and a large kitchen area for a chef to cook recipes from their DS Cookery game, which is hardly impressive, but stood out above the rest.

Notably, Dare to Be Digital, had a very fruitful showing in the lower floor area. Considering the time given to the teams for completion, all of the outcomes I saw looked impressive.

Talent Arcade wasn't the hugely brilliant event it set itself up to be but proved somewhat helpful for a budding game producer. The games companies involved weren't huge names, and I in fact already have a position at one of the companies that had placements up for grabs for winners of their Brief competition, but all gave a realistic picture of how the industry works. Possibly the biggest name of any of the panels that day was David Braben, co-producer of PC series Elite. He was also the biggest annoyance. Of all of the days talks, the one concerned with getting published was the worst. Between the three panelists, bearly a word was spoken about publishing until prompted by questions (one of my own!). Whilst Braben was probably the best informed of the three on stage, he also managed to show his true colours, by being a complete ASSHOLE to not only the other panelists but the audience members. His meandering from the point or question at hand to merely correct a point or to put his full stop on somebody elses opinion only served to make him look worse.

That annoyance aside, the Edinburgh Interactive Festival was a fairly decent event. With a bit more work for next years show, and hopefully more help from the big publishers and hardware giants, the festival could become quite special.

Auteurs...what auteurs..?

2008-08-22T12:53:00.012+01:00

I was reading an article in this month's Edge magazine about auteurs in video games. Not only did I have a rather large chortle and smeck about the very idea of this, but then had a long, pained think about contemporary film 'auteurs' over a cup of tea and some Asda 'Puffin' biscuits. I realised...there's not a hell of a lot going on as far as auteurs are concerned in modern film either.

Dictionary.com's definition of an auteur, as it can be most widely used for the purposes of all the art forms I'll mention, is:

"n. A filmmaker, usually a director, who exercises creative control over his or her works and has a strong personal style."

a more strict version, less applicable to gaming is:

"a filmmaker whose individual style and complete control over all elements of production give a film its personal and unique stamp."

Well, given that the games industry is still plagued by publisher-marred releases, investor-related content 'adaptations' and the dilution of the pure idea through the very structure of the game production process, its hard to see any clear examples. (all of these things happen in film too, but because of its headstart, these things exist alongside those who are genuinely talented and able to command control)

Many of the mainstays of cinema have been adapted for games; the use of theatrical and orchestral music, around for about 8 years or so, and theatrical cut-scenes and dialogue (albeit rarely done well) for much longer, but these just seem, on a highly critical level, to be thrown together with varying success. Furthermore, these are just techniques stolen from film and applied in the game world, rather than anything which could amount to 'unique stamps'. So that said, how close is gaming?

Well, hold on just a minute you say. Games don't have to be cinematic to hold artistic merit or display a distinctive style. And that is true of a number of Nintendo's titles, some contemporary stuff like Locoroco, Shinji Mikami's survival horror stuff holds a certain feel of the auteur, and Team Ico has worked on some pretty stand-out games (all theatrics and film-techniques aside). Do these count as auteurs? Well of course they do. The fact that, for example, Hideo Kojima passes his ideas to Yoji Shinkawa to see them realised doesn't mean that their partnership is any less distinctive in the final product. Games auteurs should be considered auteurs for how they make GAMES, not how they attempt to mimic movies. (Don't get me wrong, I love film elements. Just read my blogs on Metal Gear)

I've done a bit of a U-turn with you here. Gaming? Auteurs? I don't think so... Oh yeah I do.

But I think the point I'd really like to make is this. Gaming has its auteurs for gaming reasons. Immersive, beautiful, captivating and fundamentally fun gameplay experiences that last in the player's memory. But, I think that credit is given where it's not exactly due. The likes of Edge magazine, and many online observers suggest that a lot of very normal things, are a lot better than they really are. Just don't confuse originality with mediocrity. My favourite example of this is Gears of War. The slump in the number of AAA titles this console generation does not mean that whats left behind is awesome by default. Gears of War is a good game. I don't dispute that fact for a second. But its a good game because at a base level, it works really well (well...not online), not because its in any way inspiring or new, or original. The day the production team on GOW are called auteurs for their sparse mix of vaguely interesting set peices, afterthought storyline (horrible character development) along with the precise and well excecuted shooting mechanics, is the day I give up on the gaming press.

It was really my primary intention to write this blog to have a dig at Quentin Tarantino, but haven't had much reason to bring film into the fray. But the fact is that, in the melee of consumer-oriented, promotion-based reviews and hype, the truth regarding quality art and culture has become blurred with some kind of greater concious. Quentin Tarantino isn't a good filmaker, everyone just thinks he is. As stupid as that sounds- its true.

Dr. Mark Kermode has highlighted one fact about him before- none of his films feature realistic dialogue except for Jackie Brown. All of his characters are just him speaking at the audience. None of his other films have a heart either. They are often well thought out, but nothing exists there to ellicit true emotion. His collections of homages to other movies are tiresome and annoying at best. They don't even count as proper homage, because thats the basis of the entire film, its all homage, rather than homage mixed in with a thoughtful solid stand-alone peice. So basically its stealing. And if Tarantino is an auteur, the style or stamp he leaves is; copycat set-peice movies with bad dialogue, questionable character development and loose or non-existant plot.

The annoying thing is I quite like him as a person. He's enthusiastic, and that's good. Roger Avary must think something similar.

To wrap up, I saw a poster for Guy Ritchie's Rock and Rolla today. I urge you not to bother seeing it. Its another film without a heart. The thing about looking and being cool is this; you need something to be smug about. Otherwise you're just a cunt. James Dean and Frank Sinatra were cool because they could actually perform and do a job as well as hang out with babes and wiseguys. Eastwood was cool riding into town in Pale Rider because he was a bad ass in some of the most epic films of our times. Guy Ritchie obviously writes backwards from the 'cool' bit. Give movies a bit more heart in future.

Why Gaming Has Changed

2008-08-15T14:59:00.009+01:00

My gaming heydey was probably 1996 or 1997-ish. I was brought up on a Sega Megadrive and then occassionally a dabble in some old school Amstrad at my next door neighbour's house. So when PS1 came along, I basically shit myself and creamed my jeans simultaniously due in part to the frankly staggering range of titles, and the shock of the beautious new angular 3d characters. But my excitement for the new platform was more influenced by the buzz surrounding it.

Not only did everyone in school seem to be on about games. But there was a legitimate playground battle over which console was better. Now, we're in the unfortunate position of having a very uneven battle for supremacy in the hardware stakes. Not to digress, but by the time PS3's potential has been satisfied, I can see Microsoft well on the way to releasing their next effort.

Nevertheless, PSX had its array of grittier franchise titles, whilst N64 had it's old-school standard franchises and some new stuff to boot. The playing field was pretty even all things considered. Although clearly Playstation was better.

Gaming was so much better then.

Titles

There weren't just a multitude of titles on the PSX, there were tiers and subsections of what you could decide to pull out and play for 17 hours.

There were of course the blockbuster, super high quality releases like Tomb Raider, Tekken and Gran Turismo, and everyone could have a shot. But what was interesting was that not everyone would buy all three of those. Now, you're kind of stuck as far as AAA titles go, and probably have to buy 'the fighting one', 'the racing one' and 'one of the FPS ones' to have at least a variation of things to play on. What made gaming in the 90's awesome for me, was that you could go into a shop (prefferably Electronic Boutique) and buy a bunch of gems from those horrid metal mesh bargain bins that only a select audience had even heard of. Give us more full-scale console titles please industry folks.

You didn't have to meet the expectations of anyone from America or Slovenia

In the 'good old days', you only had to impress the likes of your next door neighbour with your gaming skills. Which more than likely meant it was your game and you'd played it to death, and would duly destroy them in a most smug manner. If you failed at this, you at least knew them, and could seek refuge in the fact that you knew how to wind them up and could fall back on simple insults.

The Rest

-Bits was still on the telly- meaning Emily Booth and the other small hot one were cavorting around playing games and being 'ladette'-ey. Plus the one with the stupid spelling of Alex as Aliks.

-Appreciation on quality tv like Spaced- Tim and Daisy loved their PSx.

-Electronic Boutique- Already mentioned, but too good to miss. I loved that place, it stood for everything that was good about gaming, and even had a cool tech-noir sounding name. Game can suck it.

-Proper Multiplayer!- Getting eight people in the same room to play something is pretty awesome. Fact. (Not that back then any of us had that many friends to ask round anyway...)

News Funtime and CK at the Pleasance

2008-08-15T10:03:00.004+01:00

Ever pay any attention to the advertising hoardings outside newsagents? Sometimes some of the daft headlines catch my eye and I end up going online and looking it up. Stuff like the Daily Record's somewhat sensational 'Killer Rats' headline yesterday caught my eye. Today there was a fantastic juxtaposition of shockingly horrific news and very local banter news. Not that I don't see the serious side to electrocution by lightning strike, its just like something from the background of a Christopher Guest movie to see the headlines; 'Olympic Scot's Parents in Lightning Strike on Great Wall!' next to 'Postie Caught Stealing'.

In other news, tonight I'll be going to see Louis CK in Edinburgh! Yuss. I've been following his comedy for a while now, and finally I'll be seeing his new material- LIVE! Its good to see him get a bit of exposure in Britain, all bummed up with wise words from Ricky Gervais going somethnig to the tune of 'best comedian on the circuit'. He's clearly been working at his routine for a long time and to see it become fruitful for him is awesome. That sentence sounds gay. But FUCK YOU. His new found desire to write material has seen him produce a completely new show; Chewed Up which I'm really looking forward to. And the story goes, that once his HBO special featuring this material airs, he's going to go ahead and write another completely new show every year in the same way. Awesome. If you can, try and catch him while he's in Britain. Or check out his site on my menu bar here.

Also (I'd embed, only I can't be bothered):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpaCQKJpE9k

In a Louis-related story, last night I was on a bus which had an unusually large amount of 'wavers' on it. Some kid waved at their mum while stopped in the bus station. Then when the bus pulled off, all these kids ran after the bus in front waving. The final straw was when we turned the corner and somebody else on the bus began jovially waving at their friend at another small bus stop near the station. It hit me just then. I knew it'd be hilarious to just shoot the bitch down with a big middle finger! If I'd thought of it maybe...a second or two before I did, I'd have thought it through and just not have done it. Morality would've stepped in and I'd have just chortled to myself about what could have been. But bam! I did. That bitch was left standing at the bus stop, visually raped by my middle finger. Pointless violent hilarity: The good stuff.
If you've not heard it, find Louis CK's joke about flipping off 'shitty kids'.

And Another Thing...

2008-08-12T15:04:00.005+01:00

Why is it that those most opposed to filesharing and 'illegal' downloading, are those who've already made a huge amount of money one way or another? Kiss's Gene Simmons unfortunately marred the bands return to a British stage at this years Download Festival by ranting during their press conference about how they wouldn't make an album until all this 'illegal downloading' 'settled down'. Not that for one minute the multi-million dollar blood-sucking merchandise franchise that are Kiss could be considered the waymarker or the norm- but still, its annoying that a supposed 'rock' musician would be so annoyed about losing money he clearly doesn't need. Lars Ulrich is the other obvious example, and for that reason I particularly want to see the forthcoming Death Magnetic fail miserably commercially.

I've been reading a few articles on filesharing on the BBC website today. Nothing new, but a couple of rants about the plans to have service providers start a '3 strikes and you're out' system for people illegally downloading content. Clearly this is flawed in a number of ways; some of which are highlighted in Bill Thompson's article here. The BPI's response is very much 'the man''s standpoint and suitably unrealistic about its consumers and the way in which music should be marketed in 2008. That can be read here.

For the first time in a long time, consumers are grabbing huge corporations by the balls instead of the other way round. What makes the corporations more powerful than a few folk with laptops? Nothing. That's why they're so scared for a change. Why should private 'sharing' interactions online be monitored be monitored and brought to rights whilst the no doubt crooked operations of these companies remain undocumented? Well the answer to that question is part of the reason why this three strikes connection monitoring scheme isn't going down so well.

I think it'll be a long while before the current state creative product sales is rectified, but for the timebeing I'd suggest all musicians and directors embrace the internet as a distribution method, and skim as much money from big companies as possible.

And another thing. A tad different...

Seen Vantage Point? I saw the trailer for it a long time ago and was pretty interested when I saw Sigourney Weaver was involved in a semi-serious role, and that it also featured Forest Whitaker and that boy from Lost. Upon its release on DVD, the poster design and graphics let it down badly, and I immediately got a sense of what I was in for. It's not bad per se, but it's certainly not all the trailer cracked it up to be. It stinks too much like Jerry Bruckheimer throughout and the story isn't the twisting web of at least passable thrills that it sets itself up as. Weaver plays a banal part in a much bigger production, and its dissapointing that its a part that many others could have played. Almost exactly the same goes for 'that boy from Lost'

My main annoyance, or certainly most worthy sidenote with this movie, is its music. Throughout the whole movie, I just kept thinking to myself "hey, they stole this music from Metal Gear Solid." The whole intro sequence is reminiscent of a video game intro. Its helicopter tour of where all the action takes place, the dissolves into images of guns and tough looking male characters all wrapped up with flowing, almost 24-like sections of screen display, is very late-90's video game intro. Its funny to see something that's worked so well in games translate to big screen rather than the other way around. Whilst listening to this intro I just kept thinking; this score must be Harry Gregson Williams. Not so, some pretender called Atli Orvarsson. From the sparks and tweaks of the very 'digital', new age sounding stuff, to the overlay of spanish guitars and haunting wind instruments, this guy basically steals every facet of Gregson-Williams' playbook. Nice to see an influence from a game which so wants to be a movie make its way on to screen though? I guess.

A Fuller Picture

2008-07-31T11:43:00.005+01:00

Ok, so I've been back to see The Dark Knight again, and was suitably entertained for a second time- despite the DCA cinema having really wonky sound during a section in the middle. The second viewing wasn't quite as brilliant as I'd remembered it, but not only is that to be expected, I think going by the look of glee on my face after the first viewing, it was pretty hard to match a second time.

I think everybody's immediate response was 'this is astounding'. With more time there seem to be more niggles appearing. The Culture Show's Mark Kermode initially looked so boyish and happy when he first spoke about it, and raised only one issue; the unemotional, emotional loss of the movie. I can team up with him on that. But then Kermode had an altogether more full-on rant on the film for his Radio 5 review.

My own opinion is still largely- yes, brilliant, thumbs up, good work, tremendous. But, AND I WILL MENTION PLOT POINTS NOW I do feel certain elements were perhaps rushed, I do feel Christian Bale fell back within the midst of the rest of the cast, and I do feel there were maybe one too many moral dilemnas. Harvey Dent was tranformed into Two-Face rather quickly. It wasn't that his switch from 'White Light of Gotham' into twisted, bitter killer was unbelievable, but instead just felt rushed and packed in. The face of Two-Face looked fantastic, and held up to huge full screen scrutiny, although I'm not sure they chose the correct style of face for the character, and it just seemed a bit Mummy-like.

Knowing in advance that Dent was a character, it was obvious Two-Face would at least take shape within the movies duration- but for the full cycle of his villianhood to have been lived out as almost an aside is somewhat disappointing. Mix this in with the looming fact that Ledger is dead, and the Joker will not appear as he has in this movie again, yet on-screen he lives, it becomes a tricky predicament Christopher Nolen et al find themselves in thinking up their third movie plot. They aren't short on villains to choose from, but they would of course have to deal with the disappearance of the Joker in a sophisticated manner.

If the third Nolan installment was to be the last, it'd be hard to imagine bringing in Robin or Catwoman (two logically important character inclusions from canon) within the space of a movie which will also presumably bring in another villain if not two.

Anyway, future speculation aside, there is so much in the Dark Knight to admire. I enjoyed the exploration and development of the Joker and other key characters a lot. Many people are criticising Batman's relatively less important role in this movie. But I feel, given the development time in Batman Begins the same ground didn't have to be re-trod. I think with that in mind, the floor was open for all the supporting characters to shine and tell the twisting story. Out of those, Joker and the now-Commissioner Gordon shone, whilst Maggie Gyllenhaal's Rachel Dawes was particularly weak. Maybe a little better than Katie Holmes, but essentially didn't look much to me like the love of Bruce Wayne's life.

The set-peice with the boats was pulled off tremendously well (as were all the other epicly-sized set-peices), but I couldn't help thinking it could've been cut out in favour of something else, or established earleir. And there was a little bit of a rush to the end to pack everything up neatly enough. The premise that Batman doesn't need to appear to be the hero to Gotham to be Gotham's real protector is fair enough, but I didn't buy into the reasoning for him to take the blame for Harvey Dent, because that was just somewhat rushed.

This aside. In fact, overall this is just completely unimportant. I love this film. And as you can imagine, I'm already excited about the prospect of Nolan's Batman 3.

Too Much To Mention...

2008-07-25T23:49:00.002+01:00

Well there really is too much to mention this evening. I've just returned from The Dark Knight. I can't get right into the bulk of it at the moment- but suffice to say, it impressed on all counts. Its the most absorbing, thrilling, shocking and admirably well thought out blockbuster to be released during my film-appreciating life. Where the hype that preceeded the second installment of The Matrix was totally unfounded, this film actually FAR exceeds the built hype. It seems that the trend is for anything that promises anything these days, simply lets down. In the past couple of months alone, the Metal Gear Solid and Dark Knight releases have excelled. Promising stuff.

The only drawback from what I've seen is that we've been robbed of future Joker performances by Heath Ledger.

I'll be happy to write screeeeeds and screeds about this film another time, but I'm so tired I need to get to sleep. The other things I wanted to mention are;

Socks from Gap are brilliant. Totally comfortable. Will shop there again.
Twinings teabags are pretty excellent. Thanks Stephen Fry.

Something About Death

2008-07-20T23:25:00.003+01:00

THERE's something about watching a new movie that you're genuinely interested in, that you're properly prepared and tuned in for, that reaps brilliant rewards. I find myself, on ever-increasing occassion, noticing, or picking up on little nuances within movies that set me off on an information trawling spree to find out more about whatever that little snippet or subject matter may be. Sometimes I can just be left with a particular feeling or to ponder things, and that's exactly what happened when I watched Jim Jarmusch's Mystery Train.

There's nothing new about this particular movie, but I only got round to watching it about a week ago, and thoroughly enjoyed watching. It'd been sitting ready to be watched for some time, and I think that's why I was particularly excited and 'tuned in' as it were when I watched it. The movie itself is pretty cool, it's three main story arcs are tied together by a hotel and the plot joins at the end- not in a 'WOW!' way, but it's nicely tied up anyway. I enjoy the simplicity of conversation in Jarmusch films, and how more attention is paid to nuances and the slight irregularities of some of the characters. Anyway, it was in some of these conversations that I had my revelation.

The Japanese girl Mitsuko wakes after a night in the hotel with her rockabilly boyfriend Jun. Jun complains she sleeps too much, and they should get up to sample more of Memphis on their holiday. Her response to that is, "sleep is wonderful...and when you're dead, you don't get to sleep ever again."

I thought this was a beautiful response. But as my mind pondered it for the next couple of minutes of the movie, I felt a horribly intense feeling of dread come over me. My heart sank like a brick. Everyone talks about 'the long sleep' when you die. It almost becomes a given. But the horrible reality- the scientific liklihood, that when we die, there is just...NOTHING, hit me.

I don't know what to think when it comes to death, spirituality and whatnot, and I've always told myself I'd spend some serious time, at some point in my life thinking it through thoroughly. But at the moment, something like that stark line in the movie made me really think. That evening I felt really awful for a while. Since then I've lost he pessimism somewhat. I thought longer about things and asked myself about the whole question of 'why?' we exist at all.

Another movie, which I've mentioned on this blog before, which presents a rather optimistic view of the idea of death, is Waking Life. The only reason I mention it, is that its section on the idea that we could almost live another whole life, within a dream, in our unconcious dying moments, just within our active brain, also made me think a lot at the time. I think now that this is perhaps a theory born out of some sense of helplessness and optimism, for what COULD be a rather bleak end. But hey, that's why I like the idea so much.

Anyway, away from all this fairly deep stuff, I rather enjoyed the rest of Mystery Train.

Sorry for not posting as many pictures as I usually do. I couldn't be bothered. Night Night.

This Month's Annoyances.

2008-07-16T22:16:00.003+01:00

Things that have annoyed me most this month:

DVD Piracy Warnings

No, I wouldn't steal a car. No, I wouldn't steal a handbag. No, I wouldn't steal a DVD from Blockbuster. Yes, I understand downloading films illegally is, by definition, illegal.

STOP STEALING 20 SECONDS OF MY LIFE AND TELLING ME THIS ON THE DVD I JUST FUCKING BOUGHT IN A SHOP YOU CUNTS.

T in the Park

T in the Park annoys me for sort of the same reason Quentin Tarantino does. Everyone raves about it being 'fucking magic' when its clearly just alright.

I can see there's something ok there in the social experience of it all, but with such a huge demographic raving about it and its commercially successful, middle-of-the-road, lowest common denominator, shit on stage but passable on CD lineup its hard not to get annoyed by its presence. When the subject comes up in conversation its hard to get this point across, so the less its spoken about, the better.

Buses

Yeah, its my fault I can't drive yet, but so what? Scottish coach services are fucking dire.

On a happier final note...

Mastodon are putting out a new album and touring in the not too distant future. Louis CK will be at Edinburgh Festival, Tom Waits is about a week and a bit away and The Dark Knight is next week. Good times all round there. Finally, I almost have enough money for a graphics tablet, and I'm about to Project Manage a game release for iPhone. Yuss.

The Dark Knight and Stuff

2008-07-08T13:28:00.010+01:00

Hello. Today's blog is brought to you by:

Yeah, I made this... I'm sorry.

Firstly I'd just like to mention that I added Louis CK's website/ blog to the sidebar on this blog. I've liked his stuff for quite a long time after seeing him appear on a youtube tab, and his website is worth checking out. His particular brand of humour won't appeal to all, but I find him hilarious.

Secondly, I'm VERY eagerly awaiting The Dark Knight now. Their seemingly year long promotional campaign is coming to a head now, with the launch of the film in the UK only around 3 weeks away. It is clearly a far more artful take on the previous installments of the franchise- that much is clear from the brilliant 'Batman Begins'. But, as if they needed to prove that even more, in advertising the newest installment they've piled up a huge array of brilliantly artful posters, the latest I've included here. Click to see it larger.

This film has been in 'post-production' for such a long time, but I'm so excited for it that strangely, waiting for it doesn't even seem to matter much. When it comes out I'm certain all expectations will be fulfilled!

Also, I caught the end of some Glastonbury footage the other night. I've never been all that much of a fan of Glastonbury as a festival to be honest. Saying that I'm not much of a fan of many, T in the Park annoys me more than Glastonbury does. But theres something very 'little England' about Glastonbury that annoys me more. Anyway..

Besides Tim Westwood pimping a tractor, the highlights of this highlight show were few and far between, but the big news of course is Jay-Z headlining and getting a slagging from Noel Gallagher. Now on the one hand I can empathize with Gallagher, and how he doesn't see Jay-Z fitting Glastonbury's particular style of line-up. Whilst hip-hop isn't my particular forte, I can still see talent, but to be honest I've never considered Jay-Z the 'superstar' he's continually billed as. Nevertheless, if Glasto organizers are looking to branch out in their choice of headliners, I'm sure theres buttloads of other acts who'd fit the bill.

But, on the opposite side of this arguement, Noel Gallagher should SHUT UP. To claim Glastonbury should be a 'guitar' festival is just cretinous. Yes, its roots are steeped in rock music, but in this day and age, and with the crowd it pulls in, Glastonbury needs to branch out. You know if Gallagher was curating the gig it'd be billed with Oasis, Ian Brown, The Verve and Paul Weller. And you wouldn't be able to hear a discernable difference in the lot. Or see one, with all those curtains hairdos. Anyway, when Jay-Z covered Noel's song and actually went to lengths to 'play' a guitar on stage, I thought it was brilliant. Lesson learned Noel. Shut up.

Finally, here's Daisy Lowe. Nice.

Metal Gear Magic

2008-06-29T17:24:00.014+01:00

OK, the verdict is in, and I won't make this convoluted or mince my words (until later). Metal Gear Solid 4 is, in my opinion, and by a long way, the finest game ever made. Technologically, graphically, creatively, as far as its narrative goes- everything; Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots is streaks ahead of the other stuff that undeservedly shares shelves with it.

A fair deal was made of internet game reviewers IGN and Gamespot giving away their prestigious perfect scores in their reviews of the game and I personally wouldn't be throwing this 'best game ever' tag around unless I was duly impressed.

BE WARNED: There may be spoilers from here on!

Where to start with this fantastic game? Well, with its history and the first in its series (of the PlayStation generation) obviously. Metal Gear Solid (1999) was probably the first game to truly bridge a gap (a gaping chasm) between the sophistication of cinema and games. A game that was flawed, but was narratively sophisticated beyond the means of any other game of that period and at the same time truly self-aware of its difference and debt to film. Truly captivating story-wise, but not afraid to admit that yes, it still is just a game. It helped too that it brought a very interesting new style of gameplay into the Duke Nukem-fueled mid-nineties games arena with its sneaking mechanic.

The 1999 instalment stands the test of time. There's something still captivating about the cut scenes in the 1999 game .There's something special there that can't be mimicked in film; the gamer is truly active and submerged into the story and has to use their imagination to bridge the gaps. One thing stood out in particular the last time I played through it (in an unsuccessful 'Metal Gear Marathon' about a week ago). Probably commented upon countless times before, the forced feel of parts of the dialogue is the only thing there that I feel really lets it down. There’s a clumsy feel to some of it that shows the series' ineptness when judged against cinema. But this is a game, and should be judged accordingly.

Enough about the previous games. The scene is set, the game that people bought the PS3 to play is here. You'll be happy to know that Metal Gear Solid 4 has not failed to deliver on the gaming community's expectations. Not only that, countless other aspects of the experience have been maximised, polished and adapted for the far superior PS3 platform. With this article, I'm presuming prior knowledge of the series and a fair awarness of the set up in this game. Old Snake takes on Liquid Ocelot and his quest to recreate the Big Boss's Outer Heaven. Along the way he meets a number of tricky sneaking situations, a barrage of boss characters and fantastic set-peice gameplay and cut-scene wizardry all set in the most beautifully crafted game world ever seen on a console.

Hideo Kojima made it quite clear he wanted to make full use of the Playstation 3 and all of its power, and what a platform to do it on. The game looks stunning, the cut-scenes are not pre-rendered but instead see the character models play out the action as they are in game; stunning. Not one wall has a dodgy low-quality texture, in fact the Metal Gear games have always given the gamer the opertunity to scrutinize textures and whatnot with use of the binoculars, and when you do in MGS4 you are never disappointed. It looks brilliant. Kojima makes a bold statement with the look of this game alone, because periodically the player is asked to wait for the game to load. That sentence makes you think back to horrible PS1 loading times, but on the contrary, these are not even comparable. ‘Good things come to those who wait’ and after the short loading of the different acts (which contain a good few hours of gameplay each- so don't think this loading is a regular occurrence) the action begins again. This loading time makes it possible for all of the rich textures and content to be available, unharmed by streaming problems, unfazed by any horrible clipping issues or dud textures, or lag in character movement or dialogue- the whole game works beautifully smoothly.

So graphically, technologically, this game is untouchable. It sets a precedent for the whole games industry, althought it'd be hard to imagine visuals of this quality on any platform besides PS3 and PC.

There’s so much to explain as far as the story and content goes, it’s not worth me explaining that aspect of it in detail, because it needs to be experienced to be enjoyed. And I think it’s specifically in the process of completion that the enjoyment lies. The action itself is great, but it’s actually in the doing that the joy is created; picking away at parts, looking for all those little details that the Kojima Studios crew have placed in there, and approaching situations differently for different outcomes- it’s all so rewarding when a game has been so lovingly created like this. A leisurely pace has to be taken on to really work your way through this game and appreciate every part of each act.

It’s not like this game is without its flaws, there are numerous problems with the convoluted plot, and the clear stretching of plot points to merely fit in lots of characters from previous games. Some of the bosses, primarily the Beauty and the Beast unit, are pretty lifeless and devoid of real back-story you can get behind, like the motley crew from the Shadow Moses instalment. Aesthetically though they’re obviously brilliantly cool thought. I was also vaguely disappointed with the musical score too. After the third instalment really using the Gregson-Williams composed pieces to full effect, I think 4 really didn’t deliver that way. The ‘Old Snake’ theme is beautiful and fitting, but I felt they could have brought in the overall series theme a lot more to build to an even more epic conclusion over the ending scenes.

These small niggles aside, what you’re left with is still 20 hours of pure gaming bliss. Not to mention the hours my flatmate has already spent re-playing it to seek out extra items, cool little points of interest and generally muck about inside the beautiful digital world. The only downside of course is that replaying this is all we have. This is allegedly the end of the series. And not only is the climax of the story a touching (and I won't lie, tear-inducing) end, but I couldn't help shedding a tear for the end of an era. Clearly the ending of all this is very important to Kojima, because with this, he severs ties with his own brainchild, his own character. We've all known Snake for around 10 years now, and now its all over. Recalling the first time playing through Metal Gear Solid seems like such a long time ago, and then of course Shadow Moses is beautifully recreated in parts in this installment, and even just seeing that again is a tear-jerker. But hopefully Kojima is not done giving us brilliant games.

Undeniably this game is light years ahead of much of the competition, and I look forward to see what Kojima has coming for us next. No doubt I have screeds more to say about this, but I have been writing this particular article for much too long now.

Next- The Dark Knight!

Indiana Jones And The Somewhat Unremarkable Cinema Trip

2008-06-24T19:16:00.012+01:00

WELL, I've been absent from this blog for a week or so now, meanwhile cooking up more ideas for things to write about than ever, yet not getting time to actually do it. I saw Indiana Jones about a week ago now, but in between times I've been playing through Metal Gear Solid 4- something which more than merits a whole blog of its own. More on that at another juncture.

Bum Buddies.

I thought for this blog I'd give my take on the recent Indiana Jones movie. Now, let me say initially, that whilst I've seen all the previous Indiana's, and that I've most definately enjoyed them, I've never been a huge fan of the series. When the publicity for the newest installment kicked in, I was immediately cynical but also a little indifferent. Both for the same reason; indifferent because hey, it's another of those 'old guy makes a sequel' movies, and cynical because, its yet another 'old guy makes a sequel' movie. And yes SORRY, things like this are regurgetated by the press over and over; when the new Rocky, new Rambo and Die Hard 4.0 were all made, there was of course the hoo-haa about Willis and Stallone coming back to make sequels to already fairly flabby franchises and people kept saying the same thing, should they?/ shouldn't they? I think it's fair to say though, that nothing is Holy in Hollywood, and anything that will generate money is viable. The days when Led Zeppelin have decided to make a comeback sans John Bonham are the days when the entertainment industry collectively cash in their integrity. So when these things happen, you really have to make sure that it's worth it. And I think anything I'm about to say about the 'Kingdom of the Crystal Skull' should be read with that in mind.

Now, I think it's been fairly clear from the title of this blog what my stance on this film is, but don't get me wrong; it is most definately entertaining. In fact, it was £5 well spent. You go into the theatre fully expecting to have to suspend disbelief. A lot. All of the previous movies feature countless moments where if Indy doesn't quite manage to pull something off at a particular time, doom is most definately impending. Yet he always pulls it off. The fourth movie is no different, and once you've stuck yourself firmly in 'action' mode, it's fine.

Well, there is of course the escape from a nuclear blast whilst hiding in a fridge. Oh and Shia LeBouff's (by the way, dressed to the nines in teddy-boy get up and looking like an utter retard for it) sudden skill for tree swinging morphing him mid movie into the King of the Apes. But hey give in to the action and please overlook these and enjoy these moments for what they are; entertainment. Which is a good thing.

Instead, my primary gripe with this movie is the horrific storyline. Now, I'm not going to give it away for anyone who's not seen it, but believe me, when you do, no matter how willing you are to get in the spirit of things, this story is just going to leave you with your head in your hands. Perhaps shaking it from side to side a little. You'de expect, that between them, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas could come up with something a little more meaty. Or at the very least, have the foresight of what their audience will think of it.

Shia Lebouff- a face you want to punch
and the worst Teddy Boy in history.

I don't want to get too hung up on the story as if it promised to be hugely engrossing and deep. On the contrary, it's always, fundamentally going to be a no brainer- Indy hears of/is dragged into persuing... treasure/important artifact/ item controlling destiny of the world... goes after it whilst dodging the newly interested WWII Gerrys/ Cold War Ruskies... realises he's done something wrong and fixes it, meanwhile saving the world and all of those dear to him. The End. Everyone's a winner.

But, having spent the first half hour or so building up the Crystal Skull in the Golden City. When it's finally revealed, the prop for said item is in fact, the worst prop in a big budget movie of ALL time. Harrison Ford has distinct trouble selling the heft and weight of the skull 'hand crafted from crystal'. Most likely on account of it being made of clear hollow plastic with fuck-loads of cling film squished up and stuffed inside it. It's like some kind of crappy ornament you can get for about £3 in the same type of shop that sells various shapes and sizes of bongs and smoking parafanelia. THIS SKULL HAS ITS OWN KINGDOM!?

The worst prop award goes to...

Props aside, there really is something lacking about this adventure. In all of the previous films (believe me, I just rewatched The Last Crusade. Twice) you wouldn't have had time to consider props, or criticize sets. There's something not right about the producion aspect of it. But what allows your mind to wander to these aspects of the production is the flimsy and lethargic storyline. You know why they're battling with the Russians right? Oh no, you really don't. We got to the point where the skull is actually required for something or other (hey, I'm not giving spoilers because I still don't even really know myself), and my girlfriend asked (about 15minutes from the end), "what is it they all want it for so badly?". And this is in no way a sexist remark. I only managed to answer her with "Eh, because the skull is like, all powerful and that, the usual."

All of these quibbles, and it just leaves me somewhat exasperated writing this final paragraph. It's a very 'uch, but its okay really though...isn't it?' kind of a film. There's nothing wrong with two hours of mindless fun. But as I mentioned near the start, there needed to be a distinct reason to ressurect this series from the dead. And I don't think there really is. Nothing has been added. Spielberg may argue that the introduction of Shia LeBouff as Indiana's son is reason enough, but this was A. a dissapointment and B. Somewhat cringe inducing. The idea that the series may continue with Spielberg's youthful loverboy at the helm slightly enrages me.

That said, go and see it like. It's not bad.

Posters and Things I've Made

2008-06-15T13:21:00.002+01:00

Here's some art I've uploaded recently.
Take a bloody look at my full gallery here

Hanoi Rocks by ~rattlehed on deviant ART

Tom Waits by ~rattlehed on deviant ART

Art

2008-06-14T02:03:00.001+01:00

Just a very quick blog post on here to direct you to my deviant art webpage. I've uploaded a heap more stuff on there in the past few weeks than I have for quite some time. Check it out and let me know what you think.

My Deviant Art

My Top 5 Wrestling Gimmicks

2008-06-13T17:51:00.005+01:00

Here are some of my favourite wrestling gimmicks. Not necessarily the finest, not just the cool, but also including some of the shockingly (watch out for the pun) bad. Thanks particularly to wrestlecrap.com for bringing all of these to light. And of course Ronnie, for showing me wrestlecrap.com in the first place.

5. Kevin Nash (Various)
Kevin Nash took a little while to become the star most people remember him as. As Diesel, and under his own name, he made it big as one of the WWF's famous 'big guys'. But hows about Oz, Vinnie Vegas and Steel? Sometimes its hard to get to the top. No doubt he felt like a bell-end for the first couple of year of his career.

4. Kaientai
Kaientai's 'voice dub' promo gimmick was probably one of the funniest things to ever happen on WWF Heat. That's probably because it was generally dire, but this is good stuff all the same.

3. Poor Fred Ottman
I'm afraid Fred Ottman had it much worse than Kevin Nash as far as dumb gimmicks went. His list to date includes such well thought out gems as 'Big Steel Man', 'Tugboat' and his worst of all 'The Shockmaster'. His only decent one was 'Typhoon', and thats because he was alongside Earthquake. Here is where The Shockmaster began. And ENDED. PLEASE watch until the end!

2.Robocop
I don't know how this got in as my second top pick. But really I couldn't miss this out. (it's really becoming a worst gimmicks page) But honestly, just check this video out. It's awful.

1. The Undertaker

I think this is fairly self-explanatory. I don't think anyone would argue that the 'Taker has consistently had the best gimmick in wrestling- A dead man who doesn't feel pain, buries his opponents alive, was raised in a funeral parlour, and has a manager (and father?) called Paul Bearer. It doesn't get better than that. Really. It doesn't.

He's been about for flipping donkeys too. The whole gothic thang has appealed to two different generations of heavy metal teenagers. And then he went and became a greasy biker during the whole Nu-Metal thing. Different people have different theories on that. But either way, the 'deadman' gimmick was always far better. And that's how he looks now. All covered in tattoos and eyeliner and a huge Unforgiven style 10-gallon hat.

If you enjoyed this post, then have a look at this one last video of the somebodies 10 worst wrestling gimmicks on youtube.

Fun With Microwaves

2008-06-13T14:19:00.002+01:00

Magic.

Audio/Visual Entertainment For Your Pleasure

2008-06-12T23:58:00.005+01:00

Here's a new fucktastically delicious video from Jon Lajoie. If you've not seen his stuff before, its worth checking his youtube channel after you watch this. So much high-quality original stuff. But this is the first really good one in a while!

This is clearly all wrong, but I literally cannot stop laughing when I watch it.

Really Creepy Sex Abuse PSA

Also find this REALLY funny. I go through Dalwhinnie each time I travel from home to Dundee by car. Anyway, occassionally we stop for food there, and this sign brings no end of joy.

Understanding Guitar Shops

2008-06-11T14:59:00.008+01:00

Inspired by this post i've made some rules for something I know well. Entering the guitar shop.
Often awkward, rarely musically fruitful, and pretty much always difficult for first timers; the trip to the guitar shop is something you need to calculate well.

First Impressions
You've wandered in in your Iron Maiden shirt, suitably greyed and torn, with tour dates on the back that are WAY too long ago for you to have attended, and you're approached by a salesman.

Are you looking for anything specific today?

Yeah, I'm looking for a Fender Tele (note abbreviation of model name), what price can you do me one for? ... +5pts
Yeah, I'd like to buy a first guitar, I have a fair idea of what I like, but can you help? ...0pts
Ehhhh, Ummm, I...I'm not...Uhhh... -5pts
Yeah, I'm looking for an Ibanez SA120 EX, the one in Chalk Moonlight, with the spring-loaded 4-22 Whammy Bar and the 5-way pickup selector... -20pts

Picking a Guitar
Do you like this one? Hey man, why don't you have a shot? You'll love the action. And through this amp, which is on offer right now, you get a brilliant lead sound.

Cool, I'm quite interested in this guitar, but what makes it better than those?... +5pts
Sure... I'll keep looking... 0pts
What's 'the action?'... -5pts
Umm, I guess, but I have a JCM900 cab and it totally pwns this crap amp... -10pts
Nah its cool, I think it looks pointy and 'metal' enough, I think I'll just take it... -30pts

Look at Steven above. Look how snotty and willing he is to take your money.

Playtest
Suddenly you've been plonked on a handy stool and the salesman is in the process of plugging in a shiny new guitar.

Why don't you try a quick Pentatonic or Aeolian scale or some riffs you know?

Sure, I know a little AC/DC and Aerosmith ... 5pts
*Bursts into random bumpety noise whilst smashing fingers around frets.* At least you're trying it... 0pts
Aeolia...wha...? *Cowers with ineptitude* ... -5pts
You're concious your bullet belt is scratching the back of the Gibson SG Custom you're holding and you ask "how much does this one cost?" ... -10pts
*Immidiately you blast into ridiculous passages of 12-minute Yngwie Malmsteen oddyseys along with some Dream Theatre chops whilst looking altogether too much like you own the place. You haven't taken your aviator shades off yet.* ... -100pts
You begin to pick the notes of Stairway to Heave.... Just Leave

DENIED!!!!!

The Sale
You're pretty handy with that thing, are you thinking of buying today? I can do you a special deal today only, and throw in that amp you've been playing on...

Umm, you know what, I really, really like it, but I'm gonna go away and have a think... 5pts
Okay, can you throw in a case too? ... 0pts
SOLD!... - £900
I'm sure I could get this cheaper down the road mate, my mate works there and he's in a band. ...-50pts

Hey, this is just how it works. If you're an idiot, the salesman takes advantage, and probably wastes most of your time while he widdles the lead parts to some 'brilliant' song he's in the middle of writing. While looking at you through his mop of hair gleefully and expectantly. If you go too far the other way, and act like a smart arse, then you're only gonna get their wrath the other way round. Guitar salesmen wreak of self-assurance and ego, so acting like you know loads is only gonna have them stop helping you. That or hike up the price of your purchase.

But hey, if you hit a good point in between, it'll be no time before you look something like this guy.On second thoughts....

Cool Stuff the Internet Brought Me Today

2008-06-10T23:02:00.007+01:00

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com

I came across this guy's cartoons earlier today whilst stumbling. Some of his stuff totally hits the spot- I know people exactly like this.

Something quite interesting I found today is actually less stupid. Its the governments information website where you can resolve any issues about the information they hold on you. I dare you to replace your info with something completely mental! Probably not that good an idea...
ICO

This is apparently the worlds deepest pool. Situated somewhere in Belgium.

Aside from this internet coolness...

I was also just having a wee think about stuff while making a cup of tea. What exactly is our generations legacy? By the way, that question didn't cross my mind. I'm not that much of a wanker. But in reality, in the scenario where we talk to our grandkids, what has this generation done? We've been the generation that saw the advent of the internet and technology really taking off at a silly rate. But in the long run, thats quite a 'so what?' sort of legacy. I don't think my grandkids would be impressed. Rotten wee bastards.

NB. I don't have grandkids yet. Nor children.

5 Cool Film Poster Designs

2008-06-10T21:58:00.002+01:00

I will most definately be updating this list to be more than 5

Metal Gear Solid 4

2008-06-08T19:01:00.005+01:00

June 12th sees the release of Metal Gear Solid 4, the game which almost redefines the terms 'long awaited' and 'much anticipated'. Its popularity has perhaps been overshadowed by the gargantuan success of Grand Theft Auto, and I wouldn't hold my breath for any sales records to be beaten when MGS4 is released, but for the more niche troupe of gamers who find themselves so in love with the series, this day couldn't have come any sooner.

The early Metal Gear games, appearing in 1987 and 1990 were mostly unheard of by the time the truly masterful Metal Gear Solid came along in 1998. But with it's runaway cult success, it wasn't long before a legion of fans anticipated the next release. After a further two feature releases on major consoles, Metal Gear Solid's saga is finally set to end with 'Guns of the Patriots'.

It's well documented that Hideo Kojima's particular brand of game direction, with movie-like scenes and flabby, hollywood-cliche ridden dialogue, and a cast of instantly memorable characters has taken the games industry to another level. But this intelligent, captivating, happy to have a laugh at its own seriousness, and fundamentally more thinking type of game design is few and far between. Whilst Rockstar's GTA is equally if not more slick, it lags light years behind in the story-telling stakes. Kojima's brilliant control of tension and emotion is simply beyond the means of GTA's 'go to boss, take orders, make good' story format.

Whilst Gears of War, Halo and numerous other shooters pit the biggest, most armoured beefcake characters against the scummiest of horrid bad guys, Metal Gear sees the most interesting of all protagonists, Solid Snake, fight some of the most interesting enemies in gaming. Solid Snake fits the cliched, gravel voiced, hero part perfectly, but similarly manages to extend our imagination with his inner emotions and moral code. The whole back-story of the enemies and their connection to Snake is so rich, and is thought out with such wholistic vision, that the whole experience gains from its believability, even in the most ridiculous of circumstances.

Throughout all this, there's the unbelievable graphic quality, the weapons, the nifty sneaking moves and the impending doom of the world. Metal Gear Solid, in my eyes is the total package.

Now I've stated my case with my essay-like intro, what am I going to say? Well, who exactly will do Hideo Kojima's job when he packs Metal Gear Solid in? Who will step up into Solid Snake's boots?

The rest of the gaming world seems to offer a heck of a lot. Every game steps up to the plate with its grand unveiling, following its big hype-up in the magazines and online, and in the end seems to fundamentally, not deliver. Sure, I'm being very general here. NHL 2008 isn't like Metal Gear, and in the same way those aren't comparable, neither are the likes of Viva Pinata or many of the games for the Wii.

Those studios that are creating the interesting new twists on the gaming platform have all my praise. It was a huge step for Nintendo to step forward and do something different with the Wii. But whilst using new and interesting game mechanics to captivate gamers, there's still a sense that after you've played Mario Kart Wii for a certain amount of time, you are essentially unfulfilled. There's something more captivating about a story and characters and worlds we can really get behind.

Quantic Dream stepped forward with the very interesting Fahrenheit a couple of years ago, which treaded water in a pool of greatness. It had a successful twisting plot, and offered hundreds of ways to complete the tasks presented in game. But it failed to really take the plunge to the deep end and go all out with integrated story-based gameplay. Their forthcoming release Heavy Rain looks set to really bridge a gap that is currently more like a chasm, between film and game. It will purportedly be a 'Noir Thriller', using very advanced facial recognition technology to create almost human emotional interaction with characters. It sounds like a huge advance toward the sophistication of cinema.

So few other developers are willing to really strike out and create a truly cinematic gaming experience. And fair is fair, the two mediums should always be kept apart. But my pet hate while gaming, is poor dialogue and interaction between characters, and the sooner this is remedied the better. My one criticism of what Metal Gear has already done, is the poor syncronisation between action and dialogue. The stop, start, and for the most part STOP and watch mechanic of the game is quite tedious at times. HUGE, sprawling cut scenes, with interspersed gameplay sort of defies what games are about. Only because the story is pulled off so well is this passable.

In future I'd really like to see a more integrated story and action package. Perhaps using artistic camera angles, whilst still progressing the action and giving the player something to do. This is all perhaps a little bit of a way off, but its never too early to imagine. In the meantime we've got the Metal Gear Solid 4 launch to look forward to!!

The Return of Hammer Horror

2008-06-07T00:47:00.010+01:00

"All they wanted was a night out to remember. From the Rave, to the Grave... Hammer is back"; the words accompanying Hammer and Pure Grass Films' new internet hit "Beyond the Rave". But is it really the return of the British cult institution so famous for their particular brand of lavishly ludicrous horror or a flash in the pan to remind people of the successes of old?

It would certainly seem like the newly acquired Hammer brand is being pushed strongly by new Dutch owners Cytre, with plans to make up to three pictures a year out of the still UK-based studio. The first of which, Beyond the Rave, sees a grand online launch campaign in conjunction with social networking giants MySpace. Always one to embrace good distribution methods, Hammer have struck again, reaching a massive potential audience from the outset. And as is mentioned on the 2006 Hammer Collection box set's 'To the Devil...the Death of Hammer' vignette, Hammer was at its best when it was one step ahead of it's Hollywood counterparts, which it failed to do in its latter years.

The move to internet publication is an unprecedented advance for an established (albeit partly defunct) film studio. Much like record companies have been slow to embrace the internet as a distribution medium, Hollywood has failed to really see its potential beyond the marketing aspect. With this move, Hammer have given their new product to millions of people for free, with the long-term plan being to release the currently episodic content in a more easy to digest, one- part feature dvd.Hammer certainly seem to have a new-found savvy and pinache. Their online presence in now slick and modern looking and hugely accessible to many who probably were unaware of their work previously. But the burning question of course is; is it any good?

Well from what I've watched, and I'll be truthful, I'm only around half way through the currently available episodes, it seems fairly well done. Once I'd managed to avert my attentions from the almost cringe- inducing fad-based theme of 'modern rave' (I really do wonder what some of the original Hammer stars make of this), it became clear that the whole production has been managed really well. The overall look is akin to many of the high-budget horrors of recent years like Saw and 30 Days of Night and shouts out "great independant film!" at the same time. There's a certain crisp look created by the HD camera that never really seems to catch the essence of what made some of our old favourites what they were, but Beyond the Rave somehow manages to stay on par with certain respected contemporary independant films like Mouth to Mouth. Conversely, there is something about the look, whether it be the filming style or the manner in which its acted, that aligns this peice more with television than film. That's just my gut feeling about it, I'm not sure what you think.

Something I noticed was particularly strong about what I've seen so far was the sound design. The blend of old-school Hammer-style instrumentation, along with modern horror mainstays, and of course, the less cool, but nevertheless well done 'rave' elements is fantastic. It really adds to what's going on onscreen, and the careful attention to this is appreciated, in a day and age where sound-design still mainly goes unnoticed by movie-goers. (Have a look at Mark Kermode's recent video on this Sound Advice)

Story-wise its hard to say at the moment whether Beyond the Rave has really delivered. Its also difficult to get behind particular characters because of the episodic layout. It seems maybe like this has been thought out as more of a full-feature project, because none of the early episodes really leave you desperate to see the next. However, this may very well change as the film moves forward and becomes more exciting. Its also worth mentioning that the four minute time period for each episode is very tight for any director to create cliffhangers in, so this is by no way a harsh criticism of the film. Very quickly, the story follows various characters as they look to have a 'night to remember' but little do they know, it'll be remembered for all the wrong reasons, as a troupe of vampires seemingly behind the illegal raves that everyone is flocking to run amok.

The story doesn't strike me as something that is going to shock or dazzle me, and instead is probably just a very standard horror run-through if perhaps a bit too 'faddy'. But I think perhaps its the delivery that Hammer have really struck a chord with here. It sets a foundation for the company to really start making some brilliant and memorable films again. And in reference again to the vignette 'To the Devil...the Death of Hammer', Christopher Lee cited his emphatic interest in remaking 'The Devil Rides Out'. With a few new-blood (pardon the pun) oriented pictures (noting of course that Beyond the Rave mainly features new, unheard of actors) under their belt, Hammer could really hit it big with a Christopher Lee-starred feature.

Beyond the Rave certainly seems a brilliant way to inject life back into the temporarily deceased film company. Or was that undead?

Beyond the Rave MySpace
Hammer Films

10 things about only having one tv channel

2008-05-09T01:05:00.003+01:00

I only have one television channel because I have a terrible set top receiver right now, and so only get channel 5.

1. After 12 or 1am you get Quiz Call. You stand a chance of winning the lofty sum of £15,000 most nights. But not until you've answered meaningless 'questions'. These questions are basically 'what am I thinking?' questions because if the theme was say...'films with sequels' you could phone in countless answers, from Rocky to The Godfather, and you'd only be correct if you got the ones they chose. Even if you do manage to mindread the channel 5 producers, you then have a 1/365 chance of winning when they spin a wheel to see if it lands on your birthday!! So instead of winning £15,000 most people leave with like...a fiver.

The best bit of all this is the shit presenters. They're quite brilliant.
Chris Hopkins:

Basically the most annoying little dick in the world. Generally dresses like Gary Barlow and talks the biggest heap of unfunny shit ever.

And here's Kait Borsay (I think). She's not hot, but acts like her every move casts spells over the men 'watching' at home and leads their hands to the phone. She's rubbish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RrDGwUpuYM

2. 21st Century Sex. Basically the most awful information-based program for women. Any women who don't know the stuff explained in this show should probably give up on the idea of having any sex any time soon. Its presented like a school sex-ed program, but basically is an excuse to show naked people. Classic channel five. Funny because the first time I saw it, some boy from Dundee was on it and had crabs. They showed him wandering the streets and the University campus (Dundee uni won't be chuffed...crabs central).

3. Ice Hockey. There's NHL coverage on late at night with a random live game each week. Pretty fucking magic. Too bad the NJ Devils were put out in the first round of the playoffs this year.

4. Another decent thing about channel five is that is actually has some high quality stuff. House, Grey's Anatomy, CSI: Miami and Law and Order.

5. The Ozzie hour: Five managed to nick Neighbours and Home and Away. Enough said really. You know what you're getting with those two. Plus Libby's back in Neighbours.

6. Actually Channel Five is pretty decent. Although now its 'Five'. They nicked Natasha Kaplinski from BBC for lots of money so she can give me the news in her seductive, husky voice and wearing her alluring secretarial blouses. Cool. Lara with the weather is hot too, but she's got a voice like CHUNK from the Goonies.

7. Very annoyingly theres always ads for 'Fiver' the new channel you get on freeview. If only I had a receiver. Then I could watch Daisy Lowe talk about clothes.

Minus ginger: Hot. Shame I don't have Fiver anyway.

8. You get documentarys about men who look like trees.

9. The Wright Stuff is decent. And I find it hilarious that the guy on that show is a serious biker and occassionally appears on stage with Hawkwind.

Hawkwind Circa '77. Looking cool fellas.

10. Having one channel is funny.

Mika Mustaine

2008-04-15T15:44:00.002+01:00

Wrestling

2008-04-15T02:35:00.005+01:00

Aye, so thought I'd write a wee bit about wrestling since I watch so much of it.

Last night Samoa Joe beat Kurt Angle for the TNA World Title at Lockdown in what essentially looked like an MMA contest. What a total joke. Kurt Angle is one of my favourite wrestlers, and as far as technical wrestling goes, since Benoit passed, Angle is obviously the best. But what a total sham that match was.

The whole weekend fans discussed whether or not their match would be an MMA rules match. It was already in a six sided ring, and to boot, it was booked as a steel cage match. If that wasn't enough to make it look like a cage fight, Angle showed up in MMA shorts and in bare feet. Joe didn't embarrass himself whilst winning the World title by changing his usual attire (althought that's not exactly...flattering anyway), and actually said he didn't want TNA to go in more of an MMA direction in a recent interview which appeared on Lords of Pain.com. Its also worth noting that the whole style of the buildup to the match, including a 'tale of the tape' was in the style of a real fight event. Its also worth mentioning the number of UFC/MMA 'stars' taking part at the event.

So as the match kicked off it was confusing as to what the match was supposed to be. They put on what resembled an MMA standup bout for the first few minutes. The fans popped the 'wrestling' segments and chants of 'we want wrestling' marred the MMA style stuff.

Obviously Angle is in some way deluded as to what he really is. He is an ex amateur freestyle wrestler and a hugely talented professional wrestler but he is not a mixed martial artist. I wouldn't be suprised if many of the MMA fighters he's called out in the past ridicule him for what he's doing at the moment. Chuck Liddel is prepared to fight him any time in UFC, but to be fair, it would be a no contest.

Reports suggest Angle, who obviously has serious neck problems after multiple surgeries, hurt his neck badly during the match. Fans saw him with an ice-pack on it in his hotel and his wife Karen told the fans there would be no autographs. There are also other suggestions that Angle was knocked unconcious at some point during the match. Angle and Joe were both apparently working very stiff, meaning any strikes were probably pretty hard. But if Angle can't stay concious in a worked pro-wrestling match, then how would he fair in the ring with the likes of Chuck Liddel or his buddy Brock Lesnar?

The match, as far as a wrestling match goes, was brilliant. Exciting and the fans gave huge pops for the interesting mat-work.

Here's the end of that match:
Lockdown Main Event

Student Food

2008-04-13T15:43:00.017+01:00

A rough guide for those either looking to understand the student living experience as part of a clinical project, or for those who are in the same position as me and don't have a lot of cash. And sit in their pants all day. A lot.

Me in my pants.

1. The first step to student cooking heaven, of course, is a George Foreman grill. Whilst many believe this to be a pricey investment for a student, the 'baby' version of this popular favourite (which will more than suffice for our basic culinary needs) sells for around £13.

That burger is far too small for the champ.

"But that's drinking money!" I hear you cry. Well yes, but buy one. They're quite good.

Don't be a fool.

Also, don't be tempted to go for the Hulk Hogan model. Its shit.

2. Step two requires a little bit of thought. Purchasing ingredients is probably the most important stage. Its worth sitting with a cup of tea, in your pants, or pyjamas if you're a girl (to save embarrassment in front of flatmates), to ponder what you're going to buy when you get to the shops. Many's a time I've trotted away to Tesco's, a skip in my step and pennys in my pocket, only to find when I get there, the sickly fluorescent lights get the better of me and blind my judgement.

A basket full of:
1x pack of Jammie Dodgers,
2x pack of Pasta Quills,
1x 24 Pack of Strongbow,
will simply not suffice.

So, getting to the point; you'll need to decide what you like to eat and how much you are willing to spend on it.

Skint

I always find that shopping with a budget is FAR more satisfying. When you get home and see the pile of brilliance you've managed to get out of a mere fiver, everything seems right in the world. So set a target. For a weeks dinners I tend to spend about £10. If I'm feeling dangerous I'll spend more on other less necessary indulgences such as...cider, or air fresheners. But its best to mainly forget about that ceich.

I'd advise the layman to get a few of these brilliant ingredients:

Pasta: Everyones favourite shitty and easy italian dish. Basically pasta is very versatile and goes well with loads of stuff. Also it's very cheap too. So get it in your basket. You can actually make it really nice sometimes too. If you try.

Shitty Italian

Mince: I like it. It's pretty cheap and goes well, again, with a number of things.

Tinned goods: These are a very important staple of the student diet. It's almost like a seperate food group. Its important to keep a decent stock of tinned stuff, because when your pasta and mince runs out, you at least have reserves. Also some of this stuff is pretty brilliant anyway. Soup is a big one, accompanied with half a loaf of bread, theres a pretty satisfying meal there. Beans are another pretty pivotal buy. Accompanied by bread of the toasted variety, you are most definately onto a winner. Add chilli or curry powder for extra special Michelin Star level meals (more on this later). It's worth noting also, that there are a treasure trove of stupid joyous things that come in a tin. Have a blast wandering up your tin aisle, because you'll be suprised at what you find there. Salad in a can anyone?

Tea bags. Its important that you buy these every time theres a possibility you may run out. Because running out of tea is a pretty cardinal sin. Tea will tide you over for any of those moments when you really are fucked for supplies. Theres a sort of false sense of fulfilment from it. It's not a meal, but its pretty close.

Dawson obviously ran out of tea. Idiot.

Cereal. The final, and probably most important stock to keep. If you have cereal, you can pretty much stay alive for ages. You can avoid making any real meals for days on cereal. Keep it in mind for those really tight times.

I'm pretty sure (I mean I havent bothered calculating or anything), that you can get all this stuff for under a fiver.

3. What you do with this stuff is fairly self explanatory, so I won't bother putting any further directions up. Although I will say, as mentioned before, that Chilli Powder, and Curry Powder are very good investments. When added to pizzas, beans, pasta dishes, custard creams...pretty much anything, they make for a brilliant chef's touch that you're sure to wow you're friends, or indeed, lady-friends with. Unless you're a lady. Because then, what I mean to say is man-friends. Unless you are attracted to women. Which is brilliant.

One final note. I haven't mentioned much to do with actually cooking on the old George Foreman grill. And indeed, most of what I've mentioned doesn't really cook well on it. Pasta...cereal, beans... yeah well anyway, it's good. Because any meat you cook gets done dead fast and that, and I see cooking meat as quite an undertaking.

Also, one very last note. Buy potatoes sometimes. If you dont get round to making a Sunday roast with them, you can at least eat them raw to keep you going. Like a miner.

Similar?

2008-03-29T14:09:00.004Z

The Future

2008-03-18T01:26:00.005Z

"The future brings forth both new oppertunity and new hazards.

But in many ways, things will probably still be kinda gay. "

-Iain Smith (me)

These are part of a series I'm creating called 'The Future and That'. It is intended to be a study of our future social environment. The first image here symbolises war, and its everpresence in any society. The second indicates more of an interpersonal theme. That people, whatever shape or form, will always have their own opinions, and that not everyone will agree with them.

"Stark...yet terrifyingly simple. The use of lined paper gives it a down to earth feel from the future, yet not too post-modern. Many can easily relate to it, yet it will still hold its own in the artistic arena with the likes of other modernists like Ultravox.

One of the best paintings with balls in it I have ever seen."
-Jonathan Donnelly (ex-Progasaurus, Yellow Bentines)

Things I've Learned

2008-03-15T19:29:00.004Z

A short list of things I've learned so far in 2008.

1. I have to wake up earlier to ever get anything done. Otherwise I'm just hitting my stride at 7pm.

2. After seven cans of Strongbow, I generally can't handle my shots.

3. Living with people with no ambition, motivation or personal hygiene is in no way beneficial.

4. If you start a conversation confidently, its always good. Even if there's nothing to say.

5. Managing a team of six people is pretty tricky.

6. Condoms are probably more important than your wallet.

7. But still, don't lose your wallet. It sucks. And sex isn't enough to make up for it.

8. I just learnt this last night: Unless its covered in hair, don't wash it.

9. Mastodon are still magic.

10. Maya takes much longer to learn than you think, so if your on a deadline, start early.

11. Lecturers of subjects that are based on opinion (audio, 3d graphics and architecture) are assholes. And also display bad grammer and punctuation.

12. StumbleUpon WREKS everything! If you want to get anything done, shut down firefox and compose yourself.

13. Sometimes when things look like theyre gonna be great, something really bad happens, so stay open minded and positive.

Long-Winded

2008-03-08T14:30:00.000Z

Most people are familiar with the concept that perhaps, when an event is witnessed, an equation is solved, or when ideas are brought to fruition, that information somehow becomes part of our collective concious. Or as it may be our collective subconcious. Not because this information has been directly communicated to others, but simply because somebody somewhere is aware of it. It's a very cool theory.

We've all experienced the feeling of thinking of something at the exact same time as somebody you're with. If, for example, you can't think of a word perhaps, and suddenly it comes to both of you at the same time. This might just be down to shared experiences, links and ties from the past that give you a similar collective knowledge. Other's think it's down to this 'collective concious' idea.

It's explored a little in one section of the movie Waking Life by Richard Linklater

Waking Life

(as a sidenote it's worth checking out Waking Life if you haven't already. Despite a lack of a real narrative, it still manages to keep a strangely involving pace throughout (although not for everyone). It's a very cool film that includes some very interesting exploration of concepts and I recommend it to people on that alone. It's also done in the very cool rotoscope style he uses in his more widely known A Scanner Darkly which I love too. )

Anyway, the point of all this I suppose is to talk about something I experienced the other day. I experience it more and more regularly although I really just thought about it properly recently.

With so many social networking sites and video hosting on the likes of youtube and blogs all over the place, there are so many faces we see all the time, yet never physically meet.

In the bus station on my way back to Dundee last night, I saw a girl walking across the way and through onto the station platform. I could see her face all the way from inside the station to the door and out until she was out of view. And I knew her. I completely recognised her but I had totally no idea who she was. No name. No previous experience with her. And the whole time she was still in view I studied her face but couldn't work it out. I still don't know.

Is this something similar to the theory I mentioned before? I really dont know. But this of course isn't the first time this has happened to me. Otherwise I wouldn't make such a big deal of it. I'm noticing people more regularly that I recognise but don't know. I'm hardly saying it's all the time. In fact rarely. But it's just such an odd occurance that it sticks in memory.

That's about as far as I can take that little bit of thought to right now. My heads sore and I need a cup of tea. But hopefully my next blog shouldn't be quite so essay like. Maybe I'll yap about some films I'm really liking at the moment.

Things and Other Stuff...

2008-02-27T15:37:00.000Z

Hello.

Today's blog was brought to you by the Dulux colour tone 'Beige' and the Base System Octovigesimal (28).

Today I remembered something very important. A few months ago, I had the idea to start a campaign to bring back the McRib in UK McDonald's. The burger has finally been completely rid from McDonald's menu's in most places (after a third 'Farewell Tour' in America...WTF?!), and since it's the only burger with somewhat of a cult following, and one of the few to offer a boneless pork patty and barbeque sauce combo, I think it's worth putting some effort into getting it back.

However, my plan was brought to a standstill yesterday, when I realised that McDonald's have in fact started their own marketing 'petitions' in the past to create some kind of culty buzz about it. Gay. I'm basically gonna be part of the corporate machine if I try this. BUT, the McRib is mighty tasty. And I don't really care about the boneless pigs I kill, or the tree's that are felled for it, if I can get it back in the UK. Hasn't been here for a good 5-10 years now.

JOIN ME. And check this out too.

McRib

In other news:

Tell StumbleUpon I'm cool and that:

Also, I bought a blouse today. Don't judge me, it's for dress up. Honest.

Rollins

2008-02-26T15:21:00.000Z

Aye, so just wanted to post something about my all-too-late discovery of Henry Rollins. I always knew he was in Black Flag and whatnot, but never knew just how magic a guy he was.

Previously I'd only seen him screaming his brains out at a camera (remember the Jackass movie?), but having spent all of last night watching various videos of him on youtube, I've just totally gotten into the things he has to say. I'm even listening to him right now on an old radio show he did, and his choices are ridiculously good. Some of his speeches are far better than the stuff most 'inspirational speakers' or 'life coaches' can go on about. I've experienced some of that inspirational stuff before and it's generally bullshit. He really says things how they are.

The only thing I disagree on is his stance on alcohol and drugs, but I'm sure he has his reasons for that.

Here's a cool audio speech from youtube which isn't trying to really prove any points, I just found it really funny. Finding the other parts should be self explanatory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3VOHqRnKwI

Ridiculous Shops

2008-02-25T11:36:00.001Z

I've been looking for a platform for these pictures for a long time. I love totally stupid shop names, and try to get pictures of them when I can. Excuse the camera phone quality.

The stunning EdinBurger.
I never ate here, but I'm pretty sure it's the finest burger experience in Edinburgh.

If Chillies I does in fact exist, then this gaff is rather shrewdly named. My quest for Chillies I begins. (Excuse the action shot, it was from a bus)

Here's Bob's Fish

The seductively alluring Tempting Tattie

Did they really need to abbreviate that?

Rover has this pussy whipped.

Okay, so not technically a shop, but still really stupid.

Who, over at Gambling Machines Corp. thought putting the words Snail Blazer in sickly lights would be exciting?

Inaugural Post

2008-02-25T00:21:00.000Z

Hello.

I'm Iain.

This is going to be where I blog. I'm not one hundred percent sure at this stage what it is I want to blog about, but perhaps from time to time there'll be some words of interest. Or something you'll search google for that I'll have something to add some chatter about.

I don't profess to know more about anything than anyone else, (so this is somewhat of a disclaimer!) so feel free to comment if you have something to add.

I don't think I'm gonna bother typing up a life story or a 'get to know me' thing, I'm sure that'll come with time.

Right, I'm gonna wrap this up before the formalities kill me.